Wednesday 9 November 2016

The end of the beginning

All my life I have had the feeling of wanting forward, of never to stagnate, of wanting constant progress in search of something. For a long time it was unclear to me what that something was and I didn't know where to go, what to do. But during the last 15 years it has become clear to me it is love I have been looking for.
It has been hell! I have fought, I have destroyed, I have cried, I have twisted my brain, I have hurt people, I have acted like an asshole but always trying to do the right thing, to take yet another step in the right direction, no matter how tough it has been. I knew I was fighting for something much greater than me, so what did my little life matter. I had to continue.

First I reached out. I have had more relationships than I can remember. I have tried writing, I have hundreds of emails where I have discussed life with loads of people, most of them now unknown to me. I continued the intellectual search with classic Freudian therapy and CBT which made me more aware, intellectually, but it didn't really help. Then I found Zhineng Qigong which has proven to be an absolutely brilliant tool to reach within oneself.

Because within yourself, that is where the key to love is. There is no lack of love, there is no such thing as lack of love. But it is your ability to love that fails. Love is a universal power! It is there for everybody. We can all access it. But you have to clean up whatever mess it is in you that makes it impossible for you to feel it, sense it, be filled with it, become a part of it. To love.

All this trip I have had the feeling of being guided. The realisation I was now strong enough to leave came in January. So I applied for a year off. Then came the idea of an e-bike tour. So I got all the gear, left my apartment and then Sweden. The trip has also been hell! I have cursed, I have frozen, I have yelled, I have suffered but all the time I have had a strong feeling of being on the right track. Being on my way to discover love.

I got there this weekend. I am filled with love. My eyes shine. I expire love! I now understand what it is all about. But there is no point for me to tell you about it because you have to get there yourself. Sure, there are tools that can help you but you have to find out your own truth. YOU have to learn how to love. No one can do that for you. So come on! Get out there, look for your path to love! It is so worth it. The best thing is it will save the world, and how we need that now!

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